I am through dating women
And then along came online dating to blow that idea away.
Instead of meeting people in a fun social environment first, and using all the social tools we have to figure out if you like somebody’s company, technology arrived to help you make a decision about someone without ever even needing to meet them in person.
A bit over a decade ago, online dating was viewed by many as the last resort for those who hadn’t found a relationship the “normal” way.
These days, it is often the first option for someone looking for romance, not the last.
“And, honestly, we become lazy.” Will, a 26-year-old CPA who lives in Fishtown and asked to use only his first name so he could speak freely about his dating experiences, said about 80 percent of the first dates he’s been on since college were with women he met on dating apps.
He said it’s not rejection that stops him — it’s about avoiding making the other person uncomfortable in denying him.
At the same time, awareness of what is and isn’t sexual harassment has left people cautious about come-ons that were once seen as cute and are now called out as creepy.
Smith, a podcast host who often talks about dating as a black gay professional on his show, “Category Is…,” is now in a two-year relationship with a man he met on Grindr.
“Tinder is more like, ‘4/20-friendly, I’m a Pisces,’” she said. Her profile says she prefers polyamory, so someone who matches with her is fine with it.That means less practice in striking up conversations.Jess De Stefano, a 28-year-old theater production manager who lives in Passyunk Square, uses apps like Tinder and Bumble (its female-centric counterpart) to find most of her dates. No guessing if someone is interested — by matching with you, they indicate they are.If he’s in a public place, he’ll approach a woman only “if it seems like I’m not invading somebody’s personal space or privacy." Edwards said the men he coaches are more confused than ever about talking to women.And since the #Me Too movement has empowered women to speak about their experiences with sexual harassment, it’s forced men to reckon with how they talk to women.
And it’s not just digitally native twentysomethings.