I hate internet dating sites
Sadly, online dating turns that leap of faith into an awkward spectacle that’s at once performative, high stakes, and risky.
Instead of spontaneously leaping into the unknown, you’re approached by a reality-TV producer who says, “Put on these big-ass red clown shoes, this clown nose, and this idiotic orange wig, and LEAP ACROSS THAT GIANT CHASM OVER THERE.” But can you take a flying leap under those conditions? Does the prospect of clearing that enormous ravine in your huge red shoes make you shake and sweat?
They’re basically in it for the hot rando sex and hey, if somebody happens to look and feel and sound just right along the way, God bless those people.
But to me, being able to maintain a good attitude and not get freaked out and angry and lonely and discouraged while showing up for one mediocre date after another sounds about as easy as putting on big-ass red shoes and jumping over a canyon.
Isn’t that a better use of time than drinking at a dark bar with a man I’m most likely to find boring and unexciting?
Why do I have to keep on spending my time this way?
There is one area, however, where I think you may have a blind spot, and that is the absolutely terrible plight of trying to find love on dating apps.
It is so hard to look at pictures and a small bio and know if this person might excite you. My life as a single person is already pretty great, so what if I spent all that date time going on long walks with my dog?
Getting really, really fit (the only thing standing between me and a Megan Rapinoe bod is MEN)? Making veggie lasagna with my friend, her husband, and their 3-year-old?
Because it’s impossible to jump over a giant chasm when all you can think is, “I hate this!
” Let’s say a miracle happens and you make the leap in spite of hating it the whole time. ” And it’s true that there are millions of people out there texting each other, sending each other snapshots of their crotches, making small talk in dark bars, making out in each other’s apartments, and in some cases, falling in love and living happily ever after.