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Unlike an open relationship, where partners may have an agreement to have sex with people outside the relationship but remain committed to loving only each other, polyamorous people are often committed to loving multiple partners.
While some polyamorous relationships consist of a group of people who all have relationships with each other—considered a “closed” polyamorous relationship—others have partners who may or may not know the other people the partners are involved in.
To maintain their emotional bond, Turner and her husband developed a system: The pair subscribed to a monthly wine club where they got four bottles of wine delivered to their door; they promised that, no matter what, they would drink the wine together by the end of every month.
“Those are our emotional check-in times, when we talk about what’s working, what isn’t, and what we need from each other,” explains Turner.
But even though it may be common, that doesn’t mean it’s easily understood.
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It avoids a lot of clashing when everyone can directly communicate.”Stryker jokes that polyamory is “a romantic relationship that works for people who like spreadsheets,” adding that there’s a lot of planning to make sure everyone is on the same page.
“I’ll think of the week, and be like, OK, when do I want a sleepover with my boyfriend?
For Turner, it comes down to some house rules: “For example, the biggest fight I ever had with my first husband regarding polyamory was about who was allowed to sleep in our bed.